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Winning Promotional Strategies
Hey, thanks for all the cards and letters about my last article, although I never knew some of my readers had such a mean streak.  Hey, come to think of it, they all look like they’re in the same handwriting.  Hey, it looks like my wife’s handwriting…

    Anyhow, my editor said I should present something useful in this article and I’d be able to write what I want in the next one.  OK, I might have made that last part up after a few drinks. But here’s how to get your best prospects to call you, and the cost to you is $20. Send me the $20 and I’ll tell you.

    It was a joke.  Come-on, lighten up.  Jeeze.  You can send me the $20 later.  Here’s how to get prospects to call you.  And it does cost $20 a lead, but hey, they’re your best prospects.

    Gather a list of your top 100 prospects.  What?  You don’t have a ready list of your top 100 prospects?  Shame on you.  If I was your boss, and you were one of the most beautiful women in the world.  Well, as long as I was wishing I thought I’d wish for something I really really wanted - and frankly, who cares about being your boss…

    If these top prospects aren’t worth $20 to get them to call you, you need to rethink your list—and your business and revenue models.  But for now, suppose they are and you have this list.

    Write a nice letter about how great your service is and how great your products are. Blah blah blah - it doesn’t matter what you say here, they won’t really read it. But up in the top right, type in the following: 

If this number: 6675657

 ~ 6675657 ~

You have won a CROSS PEN!
You’re a WINNER!

Please call me (610-642-1000) to redeem this letter
for your FREE CROSS PEN.  Thanks and congratulations!

    No one knows all the numbers are winning numbers, and every letter - every customer  - won!  And they don’t have to know.  They’ll just see that they are a winner.  Everyone likes to be a winner, and everyone likes Cross pens. You can buy them for about twenty bucks if you shop around.

    If possible, print the matching number in the center in a different typeface or a different color so it looks like you stamped it on the page. 

    We did this as a promotion for a trade show to get high-end people to stop in my client’s booth.  You could see people perk up at the end of our isle when they saw our booth!  It was easy to tell these folks from a mile away - they came streaming down the isle unflinchingly, big smile on their face, and making a beeline for our booth waving our letter in their sweaty little hands.  Results: we ran out of pens in the first hour.  Despite buying all the Cross pens from every local office supply store in the area before lunch, we ran out again by 1:30.  Finally - we had to give “Cross Pen Gift Certificates” (rain check), and send everyone a pen when we got back.  It really was a great and successful promotion.

    Do this right and your own prospects will all be winners.  You’ll be a winner having your best prospects calling you.  My wife will stop writing me those nasty notes. And the whole world will be at peace.  Wow, what a nice way to end this article, with world peace.

    Not so fast.

    First, cough up and send the $20 you owe me for this campaign.  Next, even though people will be so happy they’ve won, your letter should be nice, nice.  Fax me a copy (610-642-6832) and I’ll tune it up, no charge. If it really stinks, I’ll just scribble “This Stinks” on it with my big red pen and send it back.  New letters from me are available to really kick up your response, but I ain’t really cheap - just really good.

    Last point: this wasn’t the original article I wrote.  It was a beautiful article about… the aged and the handicapped.  Unfortunately, it was against them.  Everybody’s just too nice nice about the touchy subject of getting old, or being handicapped and getting all those great parking spaces. But what can they do if the article was against them - hit me with their walkers? 

    Heck, if it wasn’t for old folks in the left hand lane doing just under the speed limit - which I think is usually just a “suggested” limit anyhow, I could be doing 80 on the freeway.  And we’d get back all those great parking spaces.  Hey if you can’t walk more than 20 feet more to get to the store, maybe you shouldn’t be driving a 5,000 lb. vehicle at 65 mph.  Of course, that’s just my opinion.

    If you want to see how I really feel - drop me a note.  Write your name and address on the back of that $20 you’ve  owed me since the 4th paragraph, send it to me and I’ll send you the article for free. Or email me (jeff@dobkin.com) with a request.  Free.  Hey, when you get right down to it I’m pretty nice nice.  Right.

Jeff Dobkin is a humorous speaker specializing in direct marketing, sales and motivation. He has written 6 books on marketing and humor. 610-642-1000 rings on his desk.  Buy his books, he needs the money. 
Just kidding - you don't need to buy his books... just send the money.